i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
