just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
