Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
