Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
