I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
