I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
