Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
