i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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