Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
