just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
