her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
