Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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