normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
