Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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