im about as happy as oj after his trial
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
