It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
