Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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