im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
