Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
