I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
