I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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