Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
