i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
