the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could fuck to npr.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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