Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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