Im at strip club and am horny
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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