You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
