i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
