there's paper in my vomit.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
