Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
