i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
