The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
