at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
