i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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