went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
