rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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