The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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