Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
