i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wear drunk well.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
