the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
