You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
