Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
