Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I party with great urgency now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
