I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
