i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
