Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
