They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
