Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
