Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
