Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and she was petting her beer can
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
