I met the friendliest cop last night
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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