Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
