I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
