Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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