Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
