the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
