Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
