Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just wanna soil my oats bro
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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