She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In America we eat man semen.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
