I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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