Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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