My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
